The Ten Commandments revisted

As a person who does not believe in an all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-present God, you might expect that I would have a problem with the Ten Commandments being posted on public property. These days we seem to be hearing from every crackpot with an opinion for or against posting the big 10 in court houses, schools and libraries. Well, personally, I think that these 10 basic rules to live by are not so bad for anyone. Here's why:

THE FIRST COMMANDMENT
Exodus 20:2-6
I am the Lord thy God, who brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt not have strange gods before me. Thou shalt not make to thyself a graven thing, nor the likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or in the earth beneath, nor of those things that are in the waters under the earth. Thou shalt not adore them, nor serve them: I am the Lord thy God, mighty, jealous, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; and showing mercy unto thousands to them that love me, and keep my commandments.

The actual instruction here seems to be not to adore or serve inanimate objects. In the context of worship, it forbids people to create gods by constructing images of natural things, and then to bow down before them. That's fine. I don't think I'll be doing this.

THE SECOND COMMANDMENT
Exodus 20:7
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that shall take the name of the Lord his God in vain.

This appears to be a prohibition upon using the name of God to cast an evil spell, or calling upon the Lord to give you a Camaro. I don't expect anything from God anyway, so I won't be doing this.

THE THIRD COMMANDMENT
Exodus 20:8-11
Remember that thou keep holy the sabbath day. Six days shalt thou labour, and shalt do all thy works. But of the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God; thou shalt do no work on it, thou nor thy son, nor thy maidservant, nor thy beast, nor the stranger that is within thy gates. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, and the sea, and all things that are in them, and rested on the seventh day, and sanctified it.

Cool. I'm staying in bed. I will then watch Football, order a pizza, and then drink beer until I fall asleep. ON THE OTHER HAND, my Christian Friends will be BREAKING this commandment all day long as they make their son wash the dishes, get served by a maidservent at Steak n Shake, and watch the stranger within their gates cut the grass.

THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT
Exodus 20:12Honour thy father and thy mother, that thou mayest be long lived upon the land which the Lord thy God will give thee.

That's sweet. I love my father and mother. I don't know about all of the poor children out there being emotionally tortured, beaten, raped, and brainwashed by their parents. I don't know how well they are going to follow this commandment, but as for me, I have good parents and I wish them nothing but the best.

THE FIFTH COMMANDMENT
Exodus 20:13
Thou shalt not kill.

I am pretty sure I'm not going to Kill anybody.

Although I guess this rule didn't apply to the ancient Israelites when they slaughtered the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites, ethnically cleansing the land of every man, woman and child of these races, and then enslaving anyone who had the good fortune of surviving. It didn't apply to the crusaders, and it doesn't apply to terrorists either.

Also, most people don't know this, but the original Ten Commandments also exist in the Islamic faith. Muslims are just like Mormons kinda ... They believe in the Bible but they also added some stuff after. A little extra stuff at the end. The mormons, everyone knows, are most famous for the polygamy thing, but there is also the choir and the university and the hotel chain. Most people aren't really aware of what is in the Book of Mormon or the Quaran but as for the latter we are all aware of the wonderful things it has done to benefit humanity. There is no commandment that says "Thou Shalt Have Only One Wife" but golly gee whiz there IS one that says "Thou Shalt Not Kill". I guess if modern day christians can arbitrarily break commandment number three, it's all the same for the Moomoos to break #4, dontcha think?

How could God himself write this commandment and then in almost the same breath call for the anhilation of the Amalekites, commanding that the chosen people should "utterly destroy all that they have; do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass." (1 Samuel 15.2).

OR instruct his Muslim children to do the same to the infidel?

Perhaps this commandment should be amended to read "Thou shalt not kill unless I tell you otherwise." Still, I'm not planning on doing any killing myself, so this is a good commandment, even if God himself doesn't think so.

THE SIXTH COMMANDMENT
Exodus 20:14
Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Otherwise thou shalt might be killt by thine pisst off neighbors husbandth. Perfectly fine rule in my book. Hmmm... Maybe this was supposed to cover the polygamy thing.

THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT
Exodus 20:15
Thou shalt not steal.

Unless thou hast been instructed to slaughter thy neighbor, in which case it's not stealing, it's "plunder". Again, fine rule.

THE EIGHTH COMMANDMENT
Exodus 20:16
Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

Basically I've always understood "bearing false witness" means lying.

So far we have: Don't kill, don't cheat, don't steal, don't lie. Basically, be an honest person who lives an honest life. Who could possibly have a problem with these commandments? Certainly not me. How simple can you get? We don't even need to debate what the meaning of Is is.

THE NINTH COMMANDMENT
Exodus 20:17
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's... wife.

She's a fat whore anyway. I won't be coveting her or anyone else's wife for that matter. There are plenty of free women out there to covet.

THE TENTH COMMANDMENT
Exodus 20:17
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house; neither shalt thou desire... his servant, nor his handmaiden, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is his.

First of all, I'm pretty happy with my own house. I don't know a single individual who has a servent, handmaiden, ox or ass. But this commandment, after itemizing these specific things then covers it's own ass by adding the the "anything" part. My neighbor has a pretty cool motorcycle. I would like A motorcycle LIKE the one that he has, but I don't want THAT particular motorcycle (because it's used) therefore I don't covet it in the least. I think the same pretty much applies to the SUV, jet-skis or the big fat wife. In fact, I can't think of a single specific thing that someone has, that I want. Sure, I want more money, but I don't want his money. He can keep his money. I want more money. It doesn't necessarily have to be taken away from anyone in particular. So, finally, I don't have a problem with this commandment either.

So come on, my athiest and agnostic friends, what's the big whoop?

Besides, once they allow the 10 commandments to be posted in public places using public funds, we'll be forced to provide equal time to that whole UFO / Suicide Pact / Amway / Atkins diet crowd too. Then it can only get more interesting. Ya think?